I had planned to write about transitions, specifically about transitioning from holiday mode to back-to-work mode, typically a fairly gentle passage from the yin of rest to the yang of getting back into work and projects. A shift that behaves like a pendulum: swinging off to one side, it naturally reaches a peak and then swings back, effortlessly, to the other side.
Or not.
This last September the shift was anything but gradual or effortless, and the bumps and drops and highs and lows — a veritable rollercoaster ride — took me by surprise. And have taken a full month to process.
There are times like, this, aren’t there? Where if it ain’t one thing, it’s another, and we hope we’re buckled in for the ride - even when things aren’t all “bad”. Celebrating and important transition in London was followed immediately by a total work “re-emersion”: an 18-hour marathon day of travel, rehearsal, and performance. So far, an invigorating, frying pan/fire kinda thing.
However, following that, roller coaster style, were more frying pans, more fires, then a health situation, dealing with doctors and such, further complications and worries, teaching year starting up, more concerts, more doctors, consultations, planning, un-planning the planning, und so weiter. A bit of a mess.
I would love to say that I handled all this with the Zen mastery shown in the photo above. Yes, that is a real photo! Yes, that is me, looking utterly calm free-falling down “Splash Mountain” at Disneyland, with the other occupants looking, from top to bottom: concerned, exultant (cuz I’m blocking his view…), terrified, and merely scared to death!
But, no, I have not been able to pull that off “IRL”… At best, I managed a tiny bit of that Zen (actually Alexander Technique “neck free, head forward and up”, if you must know), but even a tiny bit has been helpful. Without it, I may well have been completely freaking out, and unable to perform—literally and figuratively. What has also helped is support and precious advice of friends and family near and far, in-person and on-screen.
And also my training in Integrated Practice (see https://www.pedrodealcantara.com/)—an outgrowth of A. T.— where one motto is “expect nothing, anticipate anything”. That is, keep an open mind. What looks bad at first glance (health situation, chaos) can end up being a good thing…or something like that. Let’s call it an example of the “law of detachment” (wow, hello Deepak Chopra and the ’90’s…): avoiding attachment to a certain outcome—among other reasons, because an outcome better than the one you were attached to may arise. Easy to say, hard to live!
So, I’m writing this in the midst of continued chaos, and trying to accept that the outcome is unknown.
And that is a metaphor for the 2023-24 season: the “outcome” is unknown. Instead of attaching myself to a set of desired outcomes (perform this or that, compose this or that…) I aim to stay open and see what happens. Last year, I made plans, but to tell you the truth, what transpired blew those plans right out of the water—in a good way! Right now, I feel on shaky ground, but I’m going to keep reminding myself that that does not guarantee a “bad” outcome. And even if this entire year is “bad”, that doesn’t mean that the outcome LATER ON will not be good, or better than good, and that a “bad patch” will not have been, in fact, a necessary passage forward.
Stay tuned. Neck free, head forward and up. Expect nothing, anticipate anything.